i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
