last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
