i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
