No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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