so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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