your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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