I want to walk on stilts...naked
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
