My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You can't special order awesome
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
