Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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