i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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