When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm both gender and math confused
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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