Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
