My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
