just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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