get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
