The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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