I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
