it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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