my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
