So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
