you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
