My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
