I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
