At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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