PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
