Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
