that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
