Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
