i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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