What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
