The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
