I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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