How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Green mimosas i think yes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
