id be glad to
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
