i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
