rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
