Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
