good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
