he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
