I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
