remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
