I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
