How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
