Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
