Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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