i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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