My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
