hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
