I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
