I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
